Care over CompetitionI was listening to Robin Wall Kimmerer’s The Serviceberry on my walk this morning. She talked about how systems of care and interdependence actually win out evolutionarily over competition and scarcity. It makes me hopeful as we navigate a time of extreme greed, violence, and concentration of wealth in to the hands of the few. But more than just hearing something that sounds possible, I get to witness it first hand on my front porch. As you may have heard, we have a stray cat situation over here. Don’t worry, we’re going to get all of them fixed and are trying to find homes for all these sweet babies. So, two weeks ago, the momma cat who had a litter last Spring had another batch of babies on Easter weekend. Then this morning, one of the original batch babies had babies of her own. Five of them! She gave birth to her brood in the same box that her momma has her new babies in. Time for a bigger box. I got another box and put Big Momma and her two week old babies in that one, leaving Lil’ Momma to the cozier box with her new babies. But when I went out to check in on them (because how on Earth am I supposed to be able to focus on things while there are all these cute babies on my porch?), I found that Lil’ Momma was cuddled up with Big Momma and her babies and the Big Momma had started moving some of the new babies into the big box. They all wanted to be together. Big Momma taking care of her first baby, licking her head after she went through having her own babies. Mutual care. All these cats taking care of each other. Even the sibling of Lil’ Momma was in there checking on everyone. Protecting the crew from these sleazy outdoor male cats of the neighborhood. Then, in the realm of humans, I’ve also recently witnessed systems of care arise. My Uncle Bill’s funeral was last Friday. All his kids (my cousins) and their families were in town to celebrate his life together. As my cousins were a bit older than me growing up, I never really had the opportunity to get to know them, let alone their families as they’ve made their way through life outside of Niles. They planned a Poznanski Family day out at the South Bend Cubs on Saturday so that we’d have time to be together. And let me tell you, it was an absolute pleasure (despite how cold it was!). I witnessed while my cousins talked with my dad, my partner, and my kids about antiques, local history and family history. All of them beaming with joy. I talked with my cousin’s wife for an hour and learned that other families also have hidden shame around such things as drug abuse, poor communication, unmet expectations, and so on. The trick is when we talk about these things openly, the shame fades away. And compassion and care rise up to bring us closer together. Where there was distance, the bonds of family grieving the loss of a loved one strengthened us a little bit more that day. I also want to tell you about how I’m noticing that my default is to cultivate care and abundance rather than competition and scarcity. As you may also know, I’ve invested a significant amount of money and time into becoming trained and certified in Pilates and Personal/Executive Coaching. And there’s always been a strong part of me that doesn’t want to charge for these services. It feels like it’s a gift that I am supposed to give people. But the reality is we still gotta pay the bills. So, for now, I keep a full-time job to subsidize my drive for reciprocal care. I find myself making little deals that sort of naturally arise, that don’t involve the exchange of money. A couple of my clients were paying and I asked them to invest it back into themselves. One of them is now expanding her services through a non-profit she’s founded that helps at risk teens, so that they feel belonging and hope. My gift ripples on with her gifts which ripple out some more. (She also brings me little gifts of honey and eggs from time to time, which I love so much!) With another one of my clients, we barter our services. He gets coached and we get the gift of masterfully engineered music for the Nelson Family (mostly Hank, of course). I have other thinkers and movers who come to my sessions and classes who don’t pay in cash, but who give me their works of art or fresh picked items from the garden. I love my little subversive reciprocity community so much! Am I getting rich in paper currency? No. Is my cup running over with community, care, mutual aid, kindness, respect and love? You bet it is! And that is worth so much more than some unnecessary crap from Amazon or any other retailer trying to convince us that happiness lies in the next package of something that will break or be sent to the landfill within a year. That’s what’s on my mind this month friends. As always, please take care of yourself and each other. Scarcity certainly exists, but it doesn’t have to be the rule we live by. Look for the systems of care and notice abundance when it reveals itself to you. Savor it. It helps us get through the hard times. Love you, Jess
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