20 years and more in love than ever…It’s that time of year again…Our anniversary! This year my dear Charles and I are celebrating 20 years of being married. Two decades! Can you believe it?! I mean seriously, can you believe how much time has gone by so quickly. Seems like it was not so long ago that this beautiful human and I fell in love and decided it might be a good idea to keep doing that every day for the rest of our lives. Then, in the blink of an eye, BOOM – we have two grown ass kids, 2 indoor cats, 4 outdoor cats and each other to take care of and love every day too! As they say, time flies when you’re having fun. Turns out, it also flies by when things are hard and uncomfortable too. In 20 years, you bet your sweet ass we’ve had those hard times as well. But here we are. I’m truly head over heels in love with Chuck, more so today than ever. We’re so lucky! Aside from being in love over here, I’ve been doing too much (I know, what’s new, right?!). I’ve sort of just been feeling like I’m at the dinner table, being offered more helpings of every different dish and saying, “Oh, no! I couldn’t. But sure. Yes! I’ll take another.” Until I realize that my plate is overflowing onto the table and I have a terrible tummy ache from all of it. And even though I have been trying to wind down some of my commitments, I find that I’m still feeling a bit overwhelmed. This week, I went to go teach Pilates out at a client location and an old friend asked me, “So what do you do now.” I had to pause and think. How do you politely answer that in a passing exchange when the list includes, but is not limited to: I work full time as the VP of Global Business Operations for an Australian based tech company I’m a homeschooling mom I help out when my partner needs it with photography and videography work I teach Pilates 2-3 times a week I’m enrolled in a 6-month executive and life coaching training program I’m coaching 5 clients bi-weekly I serve on our City Council as an elected official And I just retired from serving in the Main Street/DDA board
So, I usually just reply with, “A lot. How much time do you have and do you really care or are you just being polite?” This is a recurring pattern for me. For those of you who have been around for the past couple of years of my newsletters, you know I love excavating and analyzing my patterns. This one – of taking on too much – is by no means a new pattern. It’s common and very familiar to me. I have an unhelpful story lodged in me that pops up from time to time and says, “You’re not enough.” And sometimes I forget to ask myself, “Is that true?” and then I take on more and more, trying to prove how enough I really am. I’ll show that internal bully who’s boss. But it’s a losing game. I end up scattered and exhausted. But this time around, I’m able to notice it sooner. I know my tells. Now, when I find that something I’m doing is seriously out of alignment with my values, I reevaluate and make decisions that get me back into alignment. And you know what that means? Sometimes, I let people down. Ugh. It hurts so much to feel like I’ve let people down. But, in the end, I can’t let me, my partner and my beautiful kids down. Growth is challenging like that. Well, friends, I’ve carried on for long enough. How about you, dear reader? How’s life treating you? I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a line, okay? And if these monthly newsletters don’t really resonate for you anymore, feel free to unsubscribe. I do not want to clutter your inbox and I will not take it personally. Love you, Jess
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