What does integrity mean to me?I’ve written about it before, but one of the phrases I try to live by is, “I’m a knight of the old code. My word is my bond.” For those of you who didn’t watch Dragonheart, that simply means that if I say I’m going to do something or be something, my word is enough to trust that it will be done. I used to take it too far. In that I would agree to something from a place of people-pleasing or enmeshment or enablement, and then even though I knew it was something that didn’t feel right, I would do it anyway. Which is the epitome of being out of alignment with my integrity. So, now that I know what the opposite is, let’s talk about what being in alignment looks like. We all live by a set of values – literally driven by things we value in life – whether we consciously know what those are or not. I acknowledge that I have many privileges that allow me the time to reflect on these things. Some folks are stuck in survival mode for one reason or another and may not have the time and desire for reflection. I have been in that space too and know what it feels like. I’ve worked my ass off for years to move into a different way of being. That’s why I started The Eudaimonia Movement. To lead by example to show that the life well lived is something worth pursuing. I escaped poverty and addiction to get here. It’s possible, my friends. I fundamentally believe the following statements shared by Father Gregory Boyle of Homeboy Industries: All of you. All of us. Everyone. Father Boyle walks the talk. He serves ex-gang members in Los Angeles to help them see this good in themselves and others. It is clear what Father Boyle values. And his actions match his words even when it’s difficult and scary. For me, I’ve identified these core values: Being in intentional relationship with the person(s) in front of me Fostering curiosity over judgment Noticing and savoring joy regularly Standing up for fairness for everyone Treating others and myself with kindness
Since I’m a big Care Bears fan, I visualize these values as all coming together in a Care Bear stare in a big rainbow of LOVE. And I’d say that about 80% of the time, I walk through life aligned in these values. But what’s got me in a bit of a spiral lately is that other 20%. And the fact that because in the United States we are experiencing the transition from democracy to autocracy, every day I face something that challenges my resolve to live in alignment with all my values. The one value that completely takes over is fairness. What is happening to our fellow Americans is not fair. My anger and rage kick in and everything else goes offline. That is not how I want to live. So, what, Jess? Why are you telling me all this? Thank you for bringing us back around, dear reader. Indeed “so, what?” If I let the anger and rage take over, then I am not in my integrity (or more simply I’m not my whole self), and I’m only reacting to the onslaught of injustices that are occurring daily and with increased velocity. That’s not sustainable nor intentional. I share this with you because I wonder how you’re doing. I wonder if you are consciously aware of your values and notice when you are living in alignment with them. I wonder how you are coping with what you’re seeing in your feeds and headlines. And I wonder if by talking with you about how I get myself back to a place of empowerment, maybe you’ll take a moment to reflect on what makes you feel like you’re on solid ground and how you can move forward in a way that makes you feel safe and empowered. Because what I’m seeing and feeling is a lot of folks saying, “This is just too much.” And it is. Believe me, I know it is. But checking out won’t make things better in the long run. Raging out may feel cathartic, but again, not a long-term strategy for building the change we want to see in our government and our neighborhoods. We need each other. We need to take care of ourselves. When was the last time you reached out to a trusted friend or colleague and asked for help? When was the last time you offered help where you saw someone in your circle struggling. These are the gifts we can give each other. The instinct may be to hunker down or fly under the radar, and I’m right there with you. But let’s decide to do something different. First, take the time that you need to rest and recover, then let’s check in on each other. Lend a hand, an ear, or a shoulder to cry on. Share tips and tricks for staying safe and sane. Take breaks from the news and social media. Trust yourself. Believe that we will get through this and we will build a better set of systems on the other side. That’s what’s going on for me as we start the year. I can’t pretend like everything is normal and list out all my goals for a successful 2026. A successful 2026 for me is getting through this together and building a stronger community, one relationship at a time. Love you,
Jess
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