Fall is my favoriteHello dear friends, enemies and random readers! I’m so glad you find yourself here now. I hope wherever you are, you are enjoying a nice little break from the chaos of life to sit back and catch up on what’s happening with your old pal, Jess. Thank you for giving me your precious time and attention for these next few moments. The past month has been quite lovely in our little bubble, while the world outside our home feels very heavy with ICE raids tearing communities apart and the administration telling the military that there is an opportunity to practice their war skills on its own citizens. It’s a surreal experience to hold both the extreme joy and love I feel on a daily basis in my relationships with the bigger picture of creeping authoritarianism and intentional division of the people. But, that’s where we are right now. And as I always say, “It’s not either or, it’s both and.” Speaking of “both and”…let me tell you about my birthday (which was on the 13th). I had to work all day and then go to serve at City Council in the evening. But because I’m at my new job and the council meeting was a short one, it was all very fine. Not bad, not fabulous, just fine during the day. But something happened as I was leaving the council meeting. I noticed that I was feeling my heart beat in my throat. The familiar feeling of AFib. I got to the van and used my watch to check in. Confirmed. My heart was in AFib. Again. I took a couple of deep breaths, calmed my racing thoughts of doom and remembered that I had a surprise waiting for me. Chuck was planning something special for my birthday. Chuck had informed me that I could go to our new studio downtown at 7 pm. I went home and took an extra dose of my heart medicine. In the past, it has helped to bring my heart back into rhythm, but it usually takes a few hours for it to work. I thought to myself, do I tell Chuck what’s happening and chance dampening the surprise they have been working on? Or do I just keep quiet and hope for the best? This was an inflection point for me. Past Jess would have stressed out and spent a ton of energy catastrophizing and suffering in silence. The logic would have been something like this, “Chuck has spent so much time organizing whatever is about to happen and it would be selfish of me to ruin it with this. I’ll be okay. I don’t need help from anyone and I’ll just go to the ER afterwards if it becomes serious.” But Now Jess took less than a minute to make a better decision. “It would be selfish of me NOT to tell Chuck what is happening with my health. I will let them know discretely and keep an eye on my heart in case I need to go to the doctor. If I need help, I’ll ask for it.” {Deep breath} It feels so much lighter to exist this way. Sometimes I feel like I might float away. I can’t believe how much mental clutter and negative self talk used to keep me weighted down. So, I arrived at Studio B and saw Chuck at the back door. My heart filled with so much love and joy. This beautiful human loves me. Me! I deserve this love. I am so grateful for this life. Okay, okay Jess. We get it. You’re in love and everything is jolly and well! But what was the surprise!?! Oh, I’m glad you asked. Chuck planned an evening with some of my favorite things, including; Tacos from El Amigo Pepe! Live music performed by Hank and The Redbud Ramblers!! And my dear friends and family!!!
This is where the “both and” comes in. I was truly worried about my health AND I was full of joy to be wrapped in the music and love of these wonderful humans who came out to celebrate with me. I was able to hold it all in balance and after a few hours, my heart settled back into its normal rhythm. Must have been the calming tunes of the Redbud Ramblers… Anyhoo…I hope you all are enjoying the sights, smells and sounds of October. We’ll see you again as Thanksgiving draws near. Take care and lots of love, Jess
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